January 26, 2014

The Waiting Game

I am not a patient person. Whether it is waiting to hear back from an interview or standing in a food line and everything in between. Patience is not one of my talents or skills. So don't make me wait.

I heard a quote from a movie that you only need 20 seconds of courage to do anything. Don't wait, don't think, just do it. (You're welcome Nike.) But seriously, never hold back on anything. I don't care what you are debating on doing, if an opportunity presents itself, TAKE IT! Who knows when you will get another chance.

Recently, I have taken a couple of chances to reconnect with people, meet new people, or do something incredibly ridiculous. But  I don't regret trying any one of them. This is new for me because I have to deal with a lot of insecurity sometimes. Getting out of my comfort zone was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But it was soooo worth it!

So, when someone says, "I dare you to ask her/him on a date." Don't shy away from it. Say "Challenge ACCEPTED!" If someone dares you to eat an entire pizza and drink a liter of soda, do it.

I do not support peer pressure or things that could potentially be dangerous, but live life in a way that makes you have no regrets. You will probably be the most interesting person ever because of a few mildly embarrassing things you've done. But hey, I would be your friend if you told me how many mini eclairs you can fit in your mouth. (BTW, my record is 8)

See me for who I am

I am a big believer that people are put into your life for a reason. Sometimes it seems random and insignificant that you meet someone but I'm stubborn and try to think otherwise.

When I talk to people, as I'm listening to them, I try to see them who they are and why they in my life. I look right into their eyes, look at their clothes, and just try to get to know them. I have had people look right at me and I know instantly why I know them. I've had people wear something that has given me courage so wear something strange the next day. I have talked to people who have changed my life in some small way.

Here is my dilemma. I don't know how to allow people to see me for who I am.

My self image right now is something I am very proud of. It's not just about the clothes I wear or my outward appearance. The person who I am isn't the person I've always been. People have described me as crazy, shy, complicated, goth (I accidentally wore all black one day.), and countless other interesting adjectives. Hopefully none of those are true today. I don't know how to successfully portray myself to the people I meet. But I can sure tell you who I am right this second.

I love butterflies and sign language.
                                                                              Chocolate is a major weakness.
                                          I am a proud Whovian.
                                                                                   I will probably call you cheesy weird pet name.
        The clothes I wear represent my inner soul.
                                                        I like to laugh.
                                                                                                   I'm RaNdOM.
          I will most likely fall in love with you if you're idea of hanging out is eating.
I may have nightmares but I am dreamer
                                                                                                                             I like to play card games.
I love watching movies.
                                                                    I am a daughter of God.
                                We are best friends if you like StudioC.
                                                                                          You can ask me anything without it being weird.
          I like to listen to people's life stories.
I don't believe in complicating relationships.
                                                                          I listen to IndiePendent music :P
                           My strangest fantasy is dancing in the middle of a parking lot with someone.       

I hope that after you read this you will come to tell me your life story or ask me to dance in a parking lot. I try not to let fear hold me back anymore because life should be about the candid, spontaneous moments you share with people. Ask me about anything, I will do my best to give you an answer. A positive description someone had for me was that I have a "zest for life". I try to live up to that one everyday. I can make your life fun or spontaneous if you let me. Let me show you who I am.               

January 23, 2014

I am a proud to be a glow stick

I won't lie, my life is peachy and fun and very colorful :P But it isn't like that all the time. I always try to be an optimist and look at life through a positive perspective, but I wasn't ALWAYS peachy.

The first time in my life I ever felt broken was when my grandma died exactly 7 years ago tomorrow. I was in 5th grade and I missed her terribly. She spent the last 4 months of her life in the hospital and that took a huge toll on my family. The funny thing is right now as I am writing this, I am wearing her grey, fringe coat my dad laughs at every time I put it on, but I am so happy when I do. That was probably the first time I can pin point feeling broken.

The next major event is one I have already mentioned, the summer after I finished 9th grade. It honestly felt like the side of me I kept hidden from people was pounding on the inside of me. I finally gave in and got some nerd glasses and earned my YW medallion. It was hard letting go of social norms and trying to do my own thing. I struggled with it until the beginning of my senior year.

Now, I look back at all those times in my life that I felt 'broken' and I realize it was preparing me for the time I would shine.

I am a glow stick that has been broken. You know how you can only see glow sticks glow/shine in the dark? Well, people in my life don't always see that shiny part of me. This may sound like a bad thing but to me, it isn't. You can choose to see me as broken or glowing in a dark world; people have their own perception of me.

I don't like to dwell on the past. I will be brutally honest: I have cried a lot, laughed a lot, loved a lot, and lost a lot. But all those memories and life experiences have made me
into the glow stick I am today. I don't care that I was broken because now is the time for me to shine. Now is the time for the world to get to know me. Whoever it might be when they do take the time.




January 22, 2014

My Body Tells me NO

Why are human beings so complicated? Life is meant to be enjoyed and to be lived to its fullest!

My Solution: Be SPONTANEOUS

For example, there is always that one guy/girl that you like but never do anything about. There is always something in your closet that you have been dying to wear but are afraid of what people will say. And there is always something nerdy/dorky/unpopular that you have been wanting to try but are held back because we as humans, over think EVERYTHING! We also allow ourselves to fight that urge we get when we want to try new things. Whether it is new food or a new dance move. GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE!

I have made it my goal to live my life and to live it in a way that makes me happy and has no regrets. I have worn my grandma's grey fringe coat to school and church because she was the very essence of spunk and I want to embrace that. I started wearing gold hippie head bands because I was bored one day and wanted to switch it up. I started giving people hand massages so they would have a chance to be listened to. I speak my mind because I was once told I was a clam that was clamped so tight no one could ever get inside my head. I speak my mind to let people know I have a voice. It is difficult sometimes be an open book. But the stress of not caring what people think is gone. Completely. I have an open heart, let me show you.

To quote someone who is always open and confident:

"I'm comfortable with myself and things I've done. I've built myself a level of confidence where I don't care what people say about me. Because I'm me and nobody can change that"

This is a person who is living what I am trying to accomplish every day of my life. This is also a person I took a chance to get to know. So if you are reading, I hope you don't mind me using your unique perspective. I admire you greatly for it.

Don't let this insecurity get the better of you. Don't be afraid to wear that outfit. Don't be afraid to think out loud. Don't be afraid to tell that person how you feel. They might surprise you. Take chances. Live life. So if you need to forgive, do it and forget. If you feel like dancing, ask someone to dance with you wherever you are. If you need to make that phone call, pick up your phone now. If you need to hug someone, for heaven's sake hug someone and do it right now! Chocolate works too ;)


"Weaknesses are only weaknesses if you let them control you"

January 16, 2014

Angry People

Extreme emotions do not scare me, this includes the angry people I sometimes deal with. My solution?

Yell back.

I've had unique experiences with friends and sometimes random people where they are so frustrated with something is consumes there focus. It is never a good idea to let angry people be alone for extended periods of time. I had a friend punch a wall and break his hand because he kept things bottled up. Don't punch a wall, break your hand and bottle things up.

I've been yelled at, I've listened to people yell for no reason except to get it out of their system, and I've had people get in my face. Don't bicker, don't lie to them, and don't back down. Yell back to show them how ridiculous they look. This has always worked for me (Except when it comes to parents, use calm voices for them). 

This might seem strange for a girl but I get a little excited when someone is angry. It means I get a chance to test my theory. I don't go looking for confrontation, but if an opportunity presents itself...game on. I like a challenge, and raging emotion is definitely a challenge. Getting to the root of the problem is my goal and I am always honest and blunt.

If you're angry, come talk to me. Nothing will shock, offend, or scare me off. 



Simple Girl

I am a girl.
I am a daughter.
I am a sister.
I am going to be an aunt.
I have a family.
I am a friend.
I am a student.
I have feelings.
I do have a heart (contrary to what some people might think)
I am a dancer.
I suffer from Senioritis.
I wear glasses.
I like to read.
I like to take pictures.
I love hot chocolate.
I am single.
I like listening.
I like being needed.
I get scared.
I like to write.
I have strengths.
I have weaknesses.
I have nightmares.
I'm a big fan of food.
I love music.
I am a hippie.
I look up to people.
I have a future and a past.
I observe.
I listen.
I react.
I ask questions.
I am an open book.
I talk with my hands. (ASL)
I'm not perfect.

Don't complicate me. 

Meet my Friends

#11 We had math class together in 10th grade and honestly, I didn't think he could talk :P I thought he was cute but he never looked up from his work and always kept to himself. Talk about impossible! One day, I noticed he was drawing and I saw how talented an artist he was. That was my in, I commented on how much I liked his drawings. He gave me one :) We still talk now and then and he has come more out of his shell but he is one cool kid. P.S. I still have the picture :)

#12 I had the privilege of meeting this crazy girl in my ASL class. She is so funny! I weirdly enough got to know her without actually saying one word to her. (But I signed with her :P) I wish we went to the same school because life would definitely be very interesting if I saw her every day.

#13 I have been friends with this boy since 9th grade. We are one of those friendships that has a lot of ups and downs but for some unknown reason, we are still friends. At moments where I needed someone at an inconvenient time, he has been there. He has listened to me vent, laugh uncontrollably, cry myself sick\to sleep, and given me some great advice. He has a quiet sense of humor and an observant personality. We have become closer recently and I am very grateful. I'm glad I've gotten to know his new side and he's helped me express my new self.

#14 Basically, this boy is a gentleman and gets along with everyone. He is one of those boys every girl has a crush on and wants to ask to every Girl's Pref dance...trust me. He never withholds a compliment and he has a very unique story. He is very accepting and always looks for ways to build up the people around him. It also helps that he is tall and has a great personality.

#15 I'm just going to flat out tell you who my next friend is... my sister. She is the closest sibling I have in age and trust me that is no easy thing to handle growing up. We have done everything from putting (clean) underwear on our heads to crying together. We are sisters, what would expect? I was worried when she got married that it would be different... but we are still dorks when we're together. I love my big sis, she's a great example to me and I don't know what I would do without her advice.

Inked

I've told you about my stellar English teacher, yes? Good. Today we were discussing the poem "Blackberry picking" by Seamus Heaney. We look for words that stand out or can help explain the metaphor. The word I chose was 'inked'.

In the poem, this word meant stained with juice from the berries. Metaphorically, it means the ink from the mistakes we've made; the things we have seen in life.

What if people could see these ink stains on people? I'm not talking about tattoos or people drawing on themselves. I'm talking about holding a grudge and having little black smudges appear on your skin every time you don't let it go.

My point to this, everyone is 'inked', we all have hard times and trials, none of us are perfect, and we make a lot of mistakes. I know I do. But before you see someone and imagine what their inked soul looks like, look at your own.

January 11, 2014

My Relationship Status

I use Facebook, Twitter, I text, e-mail, and yes occasionally send the old fashioned letter in the mail. I talk to people, I sign to people, and I interact with my world every day. I form friendships, I form best-friendships, and I hang out with boys. I like boys, I date boys . . . BUT I DO NOT NEED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP TO LIVE MY LIFE.

At the beginning of the school year, I set a goal for myself and I intend to keep that goal until I graduate. I have a NO-BOYFRIEND-POLICY for my senior year of high school. Normally dating boys causes drama in my life but not nearly as much as my new "policy" for the year.

High School. I like it. It has its ups and downs but overall pretty great. I am a person who can get really comfortable around someone, I'm affectionate, and I make sure people feel the same around me. Unfortunately, some people interpret this differently. I will admit, I got a little distracted from my goal for a while but I am right back on track. Recently I have noticed how everyone I know is so obsessed with being in a relationship. I'm not the type to give into peer pressure (you would know if you saw my wide range of clothing/styles) and so the idea of a silly high school relationship does not appeal to me in the slightest.

My reason for this? The guy friends I have in my life right now are preparing to go on a mission after they graduate. I'm not saying guys would get so distracted or persuaded not to go because of me, but I don't even want to come close to putting them in that position. I would much rather be fun friends than emotionally distraught when he leaves to go on his mission. That does not sound fun to me. AT ALL.

This policy does not mean that I won't get my flirt on. (Although my flirting is pretty awkward so people may not even notice) I like to hold hands on dates, it's fun, I'm a fan. But the thing that bothers me, is that the next time you go to school, people think you're married to that person. It drives me NUTS! So if you're a guy and a girl tells you she doesn't want a relationship in high school - BACK OFF! She isn't picking on you, she isn't rejecting you for no reason, she is just an independent woman who wants a little bit a breathing room.

I don't need a boy to change my relationship status, I don't want a boy to change my relationship status.

I'm single, and loving every STINKING second of it! :)

So don't think you can change my mind. You can ask me on a date though :P

I know I used a lot of CAPITAL LETTERS, I just feel really passionate about this.


Reflexes

You know that saying "Old habits die hard"? Well, that is basically the story of my life. I have had a lot of new people come into my life and the people who used to be in my life left me with reflexes.

Have you ever seen someone and thought to yourself, "I need to ask them if they watched the episode of Grimm last night." and then you remember the last time you talked to them was months ago? Lately, my life is full of these moments. But I'm here to tell you that these aren't painful to me at all.

I may be going through a transition period in my life where people are in and out of my life, but guess what? That's life! These reflexes are just reflexes, moments where I relapse for a second and then move on. I don't need comfort or even ice cream when this happens, I just need to take a breath and keep moving forward.

Reflexes for certain people have died down quite a bit, but I still need time to get over the recent people. I just need time.

January 8, 2014

Warm bread . . .

Lately I have been on this baking spree. I don't know why but I love making this certain kind of sweet bread. The original recipe calls it Harvest Bread but my family has started calling it Christmas Bread because it makes the house smell like Christmas when it's in the oven.

Basically, the bread tastes like pumpkin chocolate chip. It has a cinnamon glaze and it tastes heavenly dipped in hot chocolate.

Recipe:
I love making loaves with this recipe but it will work for muffins too! 
3 1/4 cups Flour
2 tsp. Baking Soda
2 tsp. Cinnamon
1 tsp. Salt
1/2 tsp. Nutmeg
1/2 tsp. Ginger
1/4 tsp. Cloves
3/4 cups Vegetable Oil
2 cups Sugar
4 Eggs
2 cups Pumpkin (Canned)
1 1/2 cups Chocolate Chips (I always add more ;) )
Glaze: (Wait until the bread has cooled a little before putting the glaze on)
3 cups Powdered Sugar
1 tsp. Cinnamon
1/4 tsp. Nutmeg
1/4 cups Milk

Feel special, this is an Oakcrest Friday bread recipe.

Anyways, the point to all of this is basically how much a sweets can do for someone. I made a ton of this bread over the Christmas break and gave it to people I thought would like it or I thought needed a little boost. If you know of anyone who needs a little pick me up, bake them this bread. I'm not sure if anyone's life was changed or they smiled because of my bread but I would feel loved if someone baked me something like this. I would feel loved if they just asked me how my day was. Simple things will go a long way. This is just one of the ways that try to make the world a little happier.

Meet my friends (Yes I have more :P)

#6 I call this girl my sister but really she is my brother in law's little sister who is only a month younger than I am. I was weirdly nervous when I first met her because I was worried the only person my age from my sister's new family wouldn't like me. Now, we are as thick as thieves. I'm even taking an ASL class from the same teacher she did. She is so funny and dorky and that is what makes us sisters. Did I forget to mention she is a GENIUS!? She is a month younger than me and graduated from SLCC with her associates and graduated high school early. (My jaw dropped too)

#7 This is girl is a nerd but I love it! She is so unique and super cool that every time we hang out we always have fun. She also has a very awkward sense of humor but I almost die from laughter. One of the greatest things about her is that we have managed to stay friends ever since 7th grade, I met her the same day I met my UUBFF. I may not be the closest of friends with her but she and extraordinary person.

#8 I was fortunate enough to meet this lovely girl in my dance class my junior year. She is such an amazing dancer! She is so graceful and powerful and unique. She seems like the kind of person that is going to be a wonderful mom; she just has that kind of personality.One thing that I truly admire about this girl is that she is so loving, accepting, and strong in the gospel. I look up to her in so many ways and that speaks volumes about her because she is a year younger than me.

#9 I met him just before I started high school and if we are being honest, I did not think we would be friends as long as we have been. He was a statue. I met him at a stake dance and he barely danced at all. He also has an awkward sense of humor (I guess I just like awkward people) but he always manages to make me smile. Right now he is serving a mission and I have the the privilege of writing him while he is in California. I can't wait to see the person he has become when he comes home.

#10 My first love...from kindergarten. I had a crush on the same boy from kindergarten to 3rd grade. I honestly thought I was going to marry him. I probably would have if he hadn't moved to the other side of the country! But strangely enough, we still keep in contact and he is a great friend (I probably wouldn't want to marry him now though) One thing I admire about him is how supportive he is about everything. It doesn't matter if I'm telling him about my silly crushes or what I ate that day, he is genuinely interested in what I say. I miss that kid :P

Why I am excited to be a mother

I volunteer at a therapeutic preschool for children ages 2-7 every other week day from 12-3 pm. Oh how I love my group of kids!

My group of kids that I help with are ages 4 and 5 and they are a very rambunctious bunch. They all have completely different personalities and that makes them so fun loving. My favorite thing to do is to make up new games and act like a little kid again.

So, here's a little bit of information about what I do there and why the kids end up here. These children can be experiencing behavioral or emotional problems at home or in school that public preschools aren't able to handle or address. Each class at the therapeutic preschool has a maximum of 9 children with 2 TPSs' (adult teachers) and then volunteers can come in and help out a little bit.

As a volunteer, I interact with the kids to show them how to build positive, healthy relationships with adults (or big people as we say) and I help the teachers during rotations/transitions to make these shifts easier and go more smoothly. One thing I would say was my biggest challenge in the beginning was talking to the kids in a way they would understand. Obviously I talk to little kids but never in a situation where the kids are working on a behavioral goal.

Each child is there for certain reason; that reason can be court ordered, working on basic social skills, or have a difficult home life. However, as a volunteer, I am not allowed to know that reason for confidentiality reasons. The one thing I am allowed to know are the goals the teachers and therapists have set for each child. These goals can be play with friends, be friendly, do what the group is doing, have a calm body, or use big kid words. They may sound simple but for a 5 year old, these are huge accomplishments.

Now the reason I am excited to be a mom.

Over the past 4 months that I have been there, these kids have gotten to know me. So now when they are hurt, upset, or having a tantrum, they come to me for help. I LOVE FEELING NEEDED. As strange as it sounds, I love having kids come to me when they need comfort or just want to play with someone. I have had puzzle pieces thrown at my face, kicked, had every sticky, gooey food spilled on me, and have been told to shut up (followed by a few curses). I have also invented games by using their shadows, spray bottles, and unique ways to get them to eat their lunch by asking if they like something (movie characters, knock knock jokes, etc.) I have days there where I forget why these kids are at the preschool and days where so many bad things happen I almost want to cry. But even on those bad days, I still want to work there and I still want to have children of my own.

I'm learning how to handle tantrums, spills, anger, tears, play time, and lots and lots of energy. I'm learning how to be a mom.

Shoveling Snow

I was shoveling my drive way today and listening to music and just having a good time out in the cold. When I got to the bottom of my drive way, I noticed a woman across the street shoveling her sidewalk. I didn't think much of it until I saw her on my side of the street shoveling ANOTHER sidewalk. She had shoveled almost 10 sidewalks for the neighbors on my street!

When she finished my next door neighbor's sidewalk, she started on my sidewalk. I asked her if she had shoveled all of the other sidewalks and she said she did. As graciously as I could, I told her I would shovel my own sidewalk and thanked her for her kind acts of service. She looked so tired I would have felt bad if she had finished my sidewalk.

What's my point to this? There is so much good in this messed up world and I wanted to pay this forward.

When she started walking away, I finished my sidewalk and looked at my other neighbor's sidewalk. It didn't have nearly as much snow as mine did but I thought I could just quickly shovel it and be done.

Paying little things forward gives you the best feeling! If you ever get the chance to do something nice for someone, DO IT! Sure it make take some of your time but that doesn't matter. Your making someone smile, that's the only thing that should matter.