September 10, 2015

I believe in the things I am afraid to say

People always say the hardest person you have to be honest with is yourself. 

This isn't true for everyone. If you're a confident straightforward person, you probably don't struggle with this too often. For those people who have opinions and dreams but don't know how to express them, this is a constant struggle. 

There's that common expression "Don't judge a book by its cover." Try applying that to people. Cheesy but true. How many times do we brush people off by how they look or a first impression. Obviously you can't know everything about a book just by reading the back of the book. 

I am not claiming to be perfect at expressing myself or getting to know people. 

I've made countless friends who have beautifully unique minds but you wouldn't know that based on the first impression. I am that type of person you actually have to read and turn the pages. According to some I am difficult to approach or get to know, others are surprised when they start reading. 

I meet people all the time and generally the first thing they say is "Tell me about yourself." Suddenly my entire life flashes by. Where would I start? 

Im not claiming to be an incredibly interesting person but if people ask, I can only assume they are curious or just being polite. I normally stick with the basics: name, hometown, hobbies. The reason for that is because I am afraid to say anything else. The things I believe in or what makes me who I am are things I could talk about for hours.  

Spontaneity

I will confess I am generally a hypocrite when it comes to being fearless or spontaneous. But it is definitely something I crave. An example of this is not too long ago I was at a college event where, keep in mind it was socially acceptable and encouraged, you would walk up to a stranger and kiss them at midnight. And no it was not New Year's Eve. I told my friends I wasn't nervous at all. But when it came time to pick a handsome stranger, I almost chickened out. Key word: almost. I was eventually able to able to approach him and complete the fun ritual show our school spirit. 

I am not enouraging anyone to go out and start kissing random people, that is not the point. Im talking about doing things that people don't normally do. Start a conversation with someone on the train or in the hallway. If you think they are attractive then that's definitely an added bonus. 

More importantly put down your electronics and go out of your way for some good old interaction.  

Starting today, I am going to try to keep a little notebook of the different things and people I meet that I wouldn't normally. Consider it a small social experiment. 


April 17, 2015

Ray of Sunshine

Hello world. How have you been?

I am here to tell you that life happens. But everything will be ok.

At the beginning of 2015, life threw me a curve ball I was not ready for. I won't get into the long and boring details but the truth is, I didn't know what to do. Doctors were telling me I had a beautiful brain with strange brain activity. What was that supposed to mean?! All I knew was that everything had changed.

The first thing I decided to do was to rely on my faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has always been a comfort and the greatest blessing in my life. Instead of having a constant pity party for myself, I decided to rely on my Savior for just about everything. Best decision I've ever made.

I won't lie, I had good days and bad days. Still do. Everyone does.

But the best part about the bad days are the people who are able to turn them into the greatest days. Friends and family definitely did everything and anything they could think of to keep me happy. Their support was truly a gift.

On April 6th, my new upside down life was turned right side up. Life would not go back to normal but I had a new normal and I was incredibly happy with that.

I found rays of sunshine and happiness when it could have been dark and gloomy. As a result of these crazy few months, I dyed a small part in the front of my hair blonde and call it a ray of sunshine. When I look in the mirror it will be a reminder to me that life goes on and bad days are just days that can become spectacular. I hope when other people see my random blonde streak it will make them smile.

All in all, I am healthy, moving forward, and loving life :)


November 25, 2014

Waking up from a nightmare

Something I am glad everyone experiences in their life is having nightmares every now and again. I'm glad because then you wake up and realize none of it was real. These bad dreams make you appreciate reality.

This morning, I woke up after a bad dream relieved that it was just a bad dream. My mom woke me up and then the fun memory of what I did before I fell asleep came rushing back.

My mom's voice and spending time with a friend is the most comforting feeling after a bad dream.

October 28, 2014

Dear Trevor (Even though your name isn't really Trevor)

I first saw you on train, sleeping. My friends and I decided to try to guess your name while on the train. Eventually, we decided your name had to be Trevor. Thanks to the bravery of my good good friend, we found out your name isn't even close to Trevor. But that is ok, and here's why.

A couple of weeks after that, I got on the train with a dead phone and no book. For anyone who knows what it's like to be stuck on a train with no entertainment except looking out the window, you know how bad that is, But I looked up and saw you Trevor. Since I sort of kind of knew you (I knew your real name and creepily watched you sleep that one time with my friends) I decided  I should go over and say hello.

Never in my life have I ever expected to have such a fascinating, intelligent, and meaningful conversation with a stranger. You were honest and genuine, funny and random, and truly a stellar human being. You definitely are a rare person because no one is quite like you anymore.

Unfortunately, we never exchanged last names. So I have to either hope to run into you again on the train or hope that you somehow find this blog for me to really thank you. Not only were you very kind, what you said was something I needed to hear.

Thank you so much :)

October 12, 2014

I will not fit YOUR mold

I've come to a realization that I will not fit into any mold or stereotype that the world tries to put me in. Let me explain.

I simply don't want to be easily defined. 

However, this makes me a little difficult to get to know. I'm not traditional and by traditional I mean modern. I DO NOT LIKE TEXTING. But this seems to be the preferred way of communication of people these days. I am in fact an introvert. Which is unusual to people considering everyone has to be doing something with a huge group of people at all times. I'm very blunt. Most people don't know this about me because most people don't know me very well. But I promise complete and utter honesty if you ask me about anything. The only modern thing about me is the way I dress. And I am here to say that my clothes aren't trying to define me or tell you what kind of person I am, they make me happy. That's it. 

Why are people so paralyzed by what is considered normal or acceptable? IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY - SAY IT! I will admit that I am a hypocrite to this sometimes because being blunt with every person I see isn't always a great outcome. 

But what I really want to convey here, is that people have been telling me who I am when they don't really know. I am a victim of first impressions. I can't seem to go anywhere beyond that because of people saying "I know what kind of person she is." I KNOW most people don't have this problem. I'm just different. I want people to ask me who I am rather than check my Facebook page or claim know everything about me within the first 5 minutes of meeting me. I won't fit YOUR mold because I don't fit in to any mold. 

So, to the people who know me, or at least know of me, here's your challenge: do something completely out of your comfort zone or have an ACTUAL conversation with me for no good reason. 

September 28, 2014

Under Lightning and Thunder

Tonight I had the unique opportunity of seeing a friend that I haven't seen in almost 2 years. Let me tell you, it was interesting. Most of the times in these situations, you have forgotten how to act around that person, but tonight, it didn't feel that way.

I would love to tell you the story behind us, but tonight was all about moving forward. We sat on a patch of grass (hoping not to get struck by lightning) just talking about every thing we had learned and everything that had happened in the "Quiet Period" of our friendship. But more importantly, we were finally honest with each other about everything.

You know how thunder and lightning send kind of a jolt to your senses? Imagine having something to say to someone for 2 years and not having the chance to say it. When it finally comes out, it slightly resembles thunder and lightning, all at once and kind of shocking. You aren't necessarily afraid of what is being said or how the person will react, its just kind of a relief that its all coming out. So of course, we actually had our conversation outside under lightning and thunder.

This friend of mine is a stellar human being. I am so grateful for the example he is to me and I'm so glad he is back in my life. I may have burned all of his stuff and completely erased him from my life for a bit, but none of that matters because tonight we shook hands on being friends again :P

So, here is what I have to say to him if he ever reads this:
Thank you for seeing who I am. As simply Haley. (Period) It really means a lot that we are moving forward. I hope we go on adventures that are Snow Cones & Fried Chicken worthy and that we make new memories as good friends. I am definitely lucky to know you.  (Awkward silence. Hit play on Book 4 of Harry Potter on tape.) Just kidding :)

August 30, 2014

Introverts

I read this article/blog post about introverts and thought I would put my own spin on it.

So, if you're not completely aware of or sure about what an introvert is like, allow me to explain. I know a little bit about introverts because, well,  I am one.


  1. We "recharge" alone. "We tend to get completely worn out by socializing." This is true. We enjoy being around people but in small doses. After big events or even just being with people, we enjoy having time to relax and "recharge".
  2. We most likely hate crowds. Crowds are excellent.....for extroverts. As for introverts, we don't like not having control over our environment. We tend to blend into the background where we feel comfortable in situations like this.
  3. Silence insn't awkward. "I can sit beside you in silence and not think we are having a bad time." We don't mind talking but if we don't feel the need to talk then its equally ejnoyable as silence. Also, I just enjoy being with people so conversation isn't a requirement. Silence really isn't awkward for me. BUT! Never tell an introvert they are "too quiet". That's just how we are, so deal with it.
  4. We aren't shy. They may seem quiet to you, but if you initiate a conversation, you might be pleasantly surprised. Being shy and introverted are two totally different things.
  5. Being extroverted is a bit of an allusion. "I have no problem getting up in front of a group of people and giving a talk. I don't even get nervous by a question and answer period. But - here is the thing -  Iwill need major recharge time afterwards and I won't be able to keep up this extroverted illusion all day. I can turn it on to dazzle a crowd, but if you take me out for lunch afterwards, I'll probably just listen to you talk. I am an excellent listener." 
  6. Our "resting face". Did I get quiet? Do I have a mean look on my face? I'm not judging you; I'm just wrapped up in my thoughts with my "resting face" on. I might have even forgotten you were there." Seriously though!!! We aren't mad, we just aren't aware of the expression on our face 100% of the time.
  7. We daydream. Introverts get really wrapped up in their own thoughts. We love listening and forming thoughts in our head and seriously analyzing what is going on. Me personally,  I daydream. I can kind of get lost in my own little world and forget about whatever is happening around me.
  8. We're not the best at connecting. We normally wait for other people to reach out to us when we need it instead of us reaching out to people. 
  9. We don't linger. After social events, we get our stuff and go. We don't linger or mingle with people to make plans, we leave. 
  10. We have strong opinions. Introverts have very strong opinions, meaning, we know what we think but we don't necessarily have to voice them 100% of the time. Just ask us, we will be honest.
So that is my take on Introverts. As an introvert, verbal communication isn't my strong point with people but if you can pull me out of the clouds and have a decent conversation,  I can be pretty fun. If you want to read the original article that gave me my inspiration here is the link:
    http://playfullytacky.com/2014/07/16/things-you-should-know-about-introverts/

    August 21, 2014

    You bet your left boot I'm afraid!

    Im scared of a lot of things. Spiders mostly. But the things you cant physically see or touch are things that scare me the most. Well, not anymore.

    A couple of days ago, I got on stage in front of a lot of people who I didn't know and who didn't know me.  I used this to my advantage to show them a little of who I really am.  Luckily they didnt boo me off the stage but they seemed to like who I was all about.

    I don't generally need approval from people but that moment on stage helped me realize college is going to be fun :)

    So, you bet your left boot I am scared to start college. But if it is as fun and as easy as getting on stage by myself, I will gladly take the challenge.

    A Year of NO Fear

    Once upon a time, I worked at the coolest place on Earth! :) I had the best adventures and met some of the coolest people in Utah :) Well, one day, a couple of these cool people (Who I know as Glitter and Sky) decided we were going on an adventure.  We went grocery shopping and then after decided to pick up a rotissary chicken for a snack. Yes.  I said snack. Well, while we were "snacking" in our car, we decided we wanted snow cones as well and there just so happened to be a snow cone shack in the parking lot where we we where. That was probably the funnest day ever because we were happy and well fed :)

    So, what does this have to do with anything you may ask? I WILL TELL YOU! After this day, I decided that my blog needed a new look and a new attitude. So from now on, I am going to share with you my new outlook on life known as the the "Year of NO Fear". I never want to forget how happy I was that day: We had snow cones and fried chicken, it was raining like crazy, and I was with some of the best people I have ever known :)

    You all know my story of my personal renaissance and how I became the person I am today. But now, I want to share with you what I am doing with all of these changes :)

    I would like to introduce to you, my new and improved blog, entitled "Snow Cones & Fried Chicken"