First off, I do not like country music. However, I watched the movie Country Strong today and I fell in love with this song.
This is the kind of love that I want. (Warning: I am about to show you the cheesy, girly, and a little bit sappy side of me.) Don't get me wrong, I want to have a fun relationship with someone and be complete dorks with each other. But I also want to have something that makes me feel loved. My absolute favorite feeling in the world is knowing I am needed by someone. It doesn't matter how; if people need someone to talk to, a hug, or just having me around. . . I love being needed.
This song is so true for me. Lyrics express this side of me better than I can on my own.
I'm gonna wear you down
I've been told I'm a handful. But if someone can't deal with my weird personality, mood swings, and big obsession with music then I'm not their girl.
I'm gonna start a fire, you're gonna feel the heat
Someone else has also told me that I can sure "spit fire". My temper can get away from me sometimes. But I honestly hope that someone someday will want to work through those days and make me realize how silly I am when I am a little ticked off at something.
and if you're ever sad, I'll make you laugh, I'll chase the hurt
Yes, I have quirks and strange qualities that may frighten people (I do not need to be told). But the one thing I will always do for someone I love is make them happy, everyday, any time they need me. I don't need approval from someone, I do need them to be happy. Making people happy is the brings me the most joy.
I want to love someone completely. There is no one in my life who can make feel this way right now, but I can't wait for the day there is. I can't wait to be in love with the love of my life.
Whenever the new year is coming up, I like to try to remember where I was a year ago.
A year ago around this time of year my life was very different. My sister wasn't expecting a baby, I was in a relationship with a very nice boy (yes, I know. How can a relationship skeptic be in a relationship? Well, I was.) and my friend wasn't on a mission. Who I was then, is not who I wanted to be, and it's not who I am now.
I honestly can't say exactly why I started blogging about things I don't normally tell people. I just know that this will help me get through what is coming next. 2014. This is the year I graduate and become an "adult" but I intend to have as much fun as I can after high school.
No more worrying about what people think about me, no more strategic outfit planning to catch people's attention, and no more social norms. I know bad things will still happen outside of my small town, high school bubble but I'd rather face them on my own terms and as myself.
A year ago today, I thought I had everything I could possibly want. This year, I have everything I need. What more could I ask for?
Something that guys always ask me about is how to get a girl's attention and I just laugh at them because of how simple the answer is.
Surprise her dude!
Allow me to clarify. These surprises DO NOT AND SHOULD NEVER BE EXPENSIVE! If a girl only wants you to spend money on her . . . . . RUN. Do something simple, inexpensive, and sentimental. If you are a talented singer, sing her favorite song to her. I would advise not singing an original song to this girl until you know each other better. (Maybe just wait until you are married to her) Singing to her however requires research. If her favorite song is California Girls by Katy Perry, please please please do not sing that. Sing something that means something to her or makes her feel like your sweetheart. And sing her this song in a public place, that way she knows you want everyone to know. If you sing it to her when you two are alone it just might be a little awkward. If you are in a choir or have friends that like to sing, go to her house and do it there or at school when she is with her friends.
Another thing that would be absolutely adorable to try is to bake her something sweet. You may have to ask for your mother's help but what girl doesn't love a mamma's boy? You do not need a reason to do something nice. When you give them to her, just tell her to wanted to make her (cookies, cake, brownies, cupcakes, etc) just because you felt like it.
However, my favorite idea (that I always fantasize about) is a handwritten note. Cheesy? Yes. Effective? OF COURSE! Write her a dorky poem, tell her things you like about her, or even just tell her how much you wanted to talk to her.
You can be more creative than this if you want but these are my top three favorites. They are simple, cute, and the results are more meaningful.
My biggest pet peeve in life is when people hold back. However, I did not take my own advice until it was too late to change things. So here was my solution.
Just ask
I believe people are intricate and complicated enigmas. Most people never truly know someone so they only get tiny pieces to this puzzle. As a teenager, this is incredibly hard. The people I feel I know the most can be counted on one hand. So, AS a teenager, this is what I saw fit to do.
I am now an open book. The thoughts on this blog may not seem like a big deal to any of you, but these are thoughts I felt needed to be bottled up. I cannot give you an explanation for this, but I can tell you how I feel. I have had people tell me I never open up, I don't let people in, and I am impossible to get to know. Those people are gone. I want to be closer with people and I do not mean to complicate things but I'm only human and I am scared. Or I WAS scared. Life is painful enough, so I'm making this as painless as I can.
Just ask
I will tell you how it is, when it is, and exactly how I feel.
Just ask
I won't run, I won't chase, but if you want me to stay. . .
Just ask
Now, this does not mean I am going to make this EASY and EFFORTLESS. I'm simply saying if something is standing in your way, it won't be me. I will tell you when I'm scared, I will tell you when I need space, I will tell you when I need/want you, and I will even tell you when I love you. I was once told I was like a clam: when someone gets close, I clamp shut. WELL YOU ARE WRONG. I am an oyster. I may have a hard shell, but I'm just protecting something inside, my metaphorical pearl. My pearl is everything that makes me who I am.
Do you want to know what makes me who I am? Do you want know more about my pearl?
Just. . . simply . . . ask.
I promise I am an open book, but people have to be brave enough to look beyond the cover. If you don't ask, I assume you don't care or don't want to know or don't want to try. That is your choice. But if someone wants to know me. . .
Normally I am not one to squeal and giggle about the day I get married but I am a girl after all.
I don't want to be the traditional bride. If you ever truly knew me, hopefully you would know why. I don't want a big hoopla or the glitz and the glam. I just want to make sure people know how much I love my husband that day.
A couple of traditions I will be keeping the same is lace on my bridal gown (which will be ivory, not white) and I want to wear pearls. Specifically, the pearls that my father gave to my mom this Christmas or in other words, the something borrowed. That is as traditional as I get.
Something I wouldn't absolutely mind on my wedding day is rain. Something good always happens when it rains in my opinion so why not want to have it rain on the most important day of my life? People say that it is bad luck but I think that is just a superstition created by people who hate rain.
Another thing that makes absolutely giddy when I think about it, is my future husband. When I imagine how we meet or the day we get married, I never picture a face, I ask myself questions: Do I know him already? Is he a dork like me? How did we meet? Is he a good cook? I can't even begin to imagine what our life will be like...I just hope that he will love me as much as I will love him.
Most importantly, I want to marry someone who can take me here:
This is the Salt Lake City Temple in Utah. I wouldn't want to get married anywhere else because this is the place where my future family can be sealed together for time and all eternity. That is something that is very important to me. (So if my Future Eternal Companion is reading this, hopefully this is important to you too)
The first few things are just things. It is the temple that makes my wedding day. This is where eternity begins. In my mind, this is where the adventure begins.
She truly is my best friend. I don't know how I was so lucky to find someone who is equally as weird as I am or even more so at times. Words cannot even begin to describe our adventures.
The things that really made us best friends was our shoes. We wore the exact same shoes on the first day of 7th grade. So it only made sense we had to be friends from that point on. We had the same interests all through junior high and we were even Co-Presidents of dance company together. She even stuck with me during the year I joined jazz band and wore nerd glasses.
She has been with me through every sugar high, heart break, or major life event. Not only is she supportive but she is one of my biggest role models. She is so strong in the gospel, she includes everyone, and she loves bacon even more than I do (which is REALLY impressive!)
I know the question that is on your mind. The answer to that question is yes, I will hold her wedding dress while she pees (I'm her best friend, it's part of the job description). She is one of those people who you know will always be there in the future. After all, she is the one that introduced me to Lord of The Rings (the extended version) I have seen almost every Disney movie because of her and have eaten more ice cream than I thought I ever would. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We hung out today and we talked about the future. We both want to run to college, be wives and mothers, and stay friends.
Merry Christmas to me for still being friends with this girl! This is a huge blessing if you ask me :)
I want to further explain the reason why I chose this title for my blog.
The definition for the way I am using 'renaissance' is just below the title of this blog. I told you where I came up with the phrase but I didn't explain why it struck me so hard.
In junior high, I struggled with self-image a lot. I was always paranoid about what other people thought of me and that fear kind of crippled me. I tried to fit in but I also wanted to stand out and be my own person. So as you can probably guess, junior high involved a lot of inner conflict. I was insecure about certain social aspects but that all changed at the end of 9th grade.
I didn't like who I had become and I wanted to be someone better; I wanted to be the real me and not let anyone decide for me. Over the summer, I worked on my YW Medallion and received my medallion the week before I started high school. (For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically the equivalent to and Eagle Scout award only for girls) I felt like if I achieved this goal, I could conquer the world. I walked into the first day of high school with nerd glasses on, some pretty weird clothes, and I even joined the Jazz Band. (This was completely out of my norm considering I was Dance Company president in 9th grade). All the while I was clutching and always wearing my medallion.
A lot of people thought I was fake because I looked and acted so different. But I didn't care, I was me. This was my choice to be true to myself and I no longer needed that social acceptance from my peers. I was me.
I want to explain something that people always ask me about because I can get a little touchy about it. My look.
If you ask my sisters, they will tell you that I dress weird or different. My sisters are women of incredible style (They are beautiful inside and out) but their style just isn't for me. My mom always tells me I can wear what I want as long as it is modest and not too radical. (See https://www.lds.org/youth/for-the-strength-of-youth/dress-and-appearance?lang=eng) My dad agrees with my mom but sometimes when I come upstairs dressed for school he will look me up and down and just smile. Sometimes he will ask, "Is that what you're wearin to school?" But he approves. I am not vain about the way I look. I just want the outside to match the way I feel on the inside.
I do dress based on mood like George in this clip, but my friends would tell you I wear completely different things everyday.
I really like to read so I use book metaphors all the time (Ask anyone) People only look at the cover of books when they first see them. They don't always take the time to open them up to see what is inside. Now apply that to me. I don't always open up to people right away so all they get to see is my appearance (or cover). If I wear a tan fringed shirt with a dream catcher in my hair, people are definitely going to think I am a hippie. If I wear a scarf, nerd glasses, boots, and have a cup of hot chocolate (because I don't drink coffee) people are going to think I'm a hipster (But I can't be classified as hipster because that would be too mainstream)
I dress the way I do that day because it makes me happy. That's it. I don't appreciate people telling me what to wear and what not to wear just because they think it's cooler or that people might make fun of me. I dress the way I do because I am happy with who the person is that is wearing the clothes - me.
Now, below the surface, I am almost completely different than that 9th grade girl. I want to hear about my friends' life, I want to walk outside barefoot when it rains, I want to make people smile (Because I Validate), and I want to experience the simple joys in life. No muss, no fuss, just plain and simple. Some people would say that I am a complicated, difficult person to get to know. (Hey, I'm a girl, we are all like this) I may not have social insecurities, but I still have insecurities. I may seem like the kind of girl who wants a boyfriend, but I'm not. I may hide emotions from people, but I still have feelings.
So, what caused my personal renaissance? My inner conflict finally ended and the real me finally broke through. I don't need acceptance, just respect.
Do you know that feeling in your stomach where you KNOW your hungry and sometimes your stomach makes noise? Well I think that this is the coolest thing ever about the human body! And no, it's not because this means I can eat food. (Although that is a nice bonus)
In case you were wondering, this is not an anatomy lesson. This is just me using basic common sense.
So, hunger pains, kind of obnoxious right? NO! Pure genius! Life is already a huge guessing game so on occasion, it is nice to have an internal alert system to let you know what is going on inside your own body. Hunger is just one example; your hungry, you stomach growls. Another example is headaches. In my case, I only get headaches if I cry or don't drink enough water. So if I'm sitting in class and I get a headache, I'm obviously not crying. (If I am however, just give me some chocolate and I will be happy again) Anyways, I drink water and I am fine. Now, if you feel anxious and have a little pressure just below your stomach, it probably means you drank to much water (you know, to cure your headache) and you need to go to the bathroom.
My point to all this? I wish human bodies had the same effect on different diseases such as cancer or others that you can't really diagnose until you go to a doctor. Obviously if something hurts or something isn't right we can generally tell what is wrong. But for illnesses that are undetectable until it is too late, I wish my body made some sort of noise for those to let me know what it was.
I still think the human body is amazing! We can heal ourselves, make it stronger, and even donate parts of it to help other people. (FYI, I am an organ donor, it says so on my Driver's Licence) With modern technology and the power of the body, what can't we do?
The reason I came up with this was because I was playing a game and realized I hadn't eaten anything all day, my stomach had to remind me. My train of though goes off the tracks sometimes :)
This is something that I don't generally tell a lot of people. For some people it isn't a big deal but it is a big deal to me.
I have really bad nightmares. Sometimes they are spread apart, every night, different every time or the same reoccurring bad dream in a row. But no matter what or how many I have, I still wake up scared. Sometimes I have have a hard time falling asleep because of what I might see when I close my eyes. Most people grow out of these things or at least grow out of being afraid of them but my dreams still affect me that way.
The people I am close to, who do know, have helped me a lot. Whether it is texting me until I fall asleep or talking to me on the phone my friends are always there for me if I need them.
The funny thing about my nightmares is that I don't always remember the details when I wake up, I just know that I'm scared. The only time I do remember something about my dreams is when I dream about people I know. These sorts of dreams make me nervous to see them the next day, whether at school or just out and about. Sometimes I try to avoid them because it makes the dream seem more real if I see them right after. My dreams definitely affect my mood and so hopefully that explains my various moods in the morning at school.
Here is my plan to overcome that fear. My first step was to post about it...check. The second step was to choreograph a dance that was about my nightmares only turn it into something ordinary. This is my way of facing these nightmares. If they inspire me to do something creative and unique, they can't scare me anymore...right? When I present this dance to my class, I want to dance in pajamas to symbolize my nightmares even more.
So there is a little more about me. I thought this would be a good idea to write about the morning after a night of nightmares. Again, when I write that out it makes everything seem more dramatic than it actually is. I'm just a girl who is afraid of her bad dreams. Who isn't?
I have a positive thought counter/clicker...thing. Anyways, during the day, if I have a positive thought or a happy thought, I click the counter and just count my happy thoughts. A couple of the girls I worked with had one of these and I was so jealous! I finally got one about a month ago and I love it!
Now, before I tell you what my ASL teacher said about it, I have to tell you a little bit about him. He is deaf which makes the class a lot more fun and for someone who is silent during class, he sure is the most sarcastic person I know! He has a unique personality that matches his sense of humor. Anyways, when he first saw my positive thought counter, he just laughed and laughed. After he was finished, he asked me if I worked at Walmart as a greeter and counted the people as they walk in.....I just shook my head. Then he asked me if I was like Peter Pan; the more I click, the longer I fly type thing. At this point, the whole class was in on it and thought it quite hilarious but after he just said that it was a good idea and he wished everyone had as many positive thoughts as I did. He then took my counter and shook it above his head and closed his eyes. Yes, he was trying to see if the Peter Pan theory worked. He had a look of disappointment and tossed it back to me.
This counter has really helped me turn my bad days into good days and my good days into even better days! Oh how I love to click away. I find that once I start clicking, I just continue to click like a mad woman because one happy thought leads to another.
Another cool story about my clicker is how well it works with little kids. I volunteer at a therapeutic preschool and the class I work with a group of 4 and 5 year old children. These children will sometimes throw tantrums for no reason, suddenly cry, or just make big deals out of nothing. I always tell them that if they make a big deal that day, they won't get to click my counter. Talk about success! Of course I don't just let them click it for no reason; before they click it (and I only let them click it once per day) they have to tell me their happy thought. The way children think is so profound, simple, and adorable that I have to click it after just because of their happy thoughts.
I recommend that everyone get a positive thought counter and always keep it with you. You might be surprised at how positive you're thinking on a daily basis.
This is where I ordered mine! http://www.billionclicks.org/
I know I bring up writing missionaries a lot but this is something new for me. But I have learned something from writing letters.
When I see how fast paced this world is I get really overwhelmed. I can get a hold of somebody on the other side of the country faster than I can blink my eyes 25 times. (Yes, I just blinked my eyes 25 times to see how much time it took) I am so grateful for the modern technology we have today but sometimes I need a breather!
If a guy wants to really get my attention, he will write me a handwritten letter and send it through the mail. Call me old fashioned but that just shows more effort and dedication that a silly text that says 'Hey'. I apologize if that is difficult task but I would be more impressed with a letter than a Facebook message.
Writing a missionary is so much fun and getting letters at home or at Oakcrest is the best! Do you want to get my attention? Do you want to make me smile? Do you want to surprise me?
After my last post, I couldn't resist writing more about butterflies. I was talking to my mother not too long ago about this whole butterfly thing and asked her where she heard it. Boy was I surprised what she told me. SHE MADE THE WHOLE THING UP! I guess my mom just thought we needed something happy to think about when she told us.
I'm not upset or made that she made it up, it just showed me how beautiful my mother's mind truly is :) Because of her, I am always reminded that at least one person loves me for who I am. I worked at a Oakcrest LDS Girls Camp over the summer and I told a lot of the campers this story. If I ever become a counselor there, my camp name will be Flutter, in honor of my mother's loving imagination.
On a side note, I caught over 15 butterflies while I worked up there this past summer! With my bare hands. It is a beautiful thing to behold when you have one of God's tiny creations fluttering in your hands and watching it fly away...
I am a little obsessed with origami. I'm not very good at it but I can whip out a decent crane and a few more regular shapes. One things I absolutely love folding is a butterfly. Here is why:
When I was growing up, my mother always told me that every time you see a butterfly it means Heavenly Father loves you. I didn't believe her until I noticed I saw a butterfly whenever I needed a reminder that I was loved. Sometimes I saw an actual butterfly, a picture, someones shirt, or even jewelry. Every time though, I felt happier.
Now that I can fold butterflies, I give them to my friends who need a little pick me up. I always write a message on the paper before I fold them.
Another way I help friends with origami is by sending them to California. This may seem strange but the one of the missionaries that I am writing is in California. Originally, I only planned on sending him one and maybe a couple others for his companions but we are using them for different things now. He looks for people in his area who might need a pick me up and asks me to send him a butterfly to give to them. Oh how I love writing a missionary! I always have a fun time writing and receiving letters in the mail.
Origami is so much fun and so far, it has blessed my life and hopefully a few others along the way :)
I have a really overactive imagination and so this means I launch into daydreams and stories in my head during the lulls of my school day. I have a hard time creating character but I have such interesting peers, I make them the characters of my daydreams.
I always think about stuff people say we can't do during school like randomly jumping up on a desk and dancing around or going up to the white board in the middle of a teacher's lecture and drawing a picture of a flower. The funny thing is, we very well could do these things. Yes, we would have to live with the consequences of our strange behavior but honestly, what is stopping us? Teenagers have a fear of being silly or doing something just because. So, I put my friends in these situations and imagine what my daily life would be like if people acted in such a manner. (Yes, it would be chaos, but it sure is fun to daydream about things of this nature)
For example, here is one scenario I would absolutely love to see become a reality, however cheesy you may think me. I thought of this one day while walking out to my car after school. (This is written in the form of a story.)
As I was walking out to my car, I realized I couldn't find my keys. Then I looked up and saw Him there, just waiting with a smirk that would make your heart melt. I saw in His hand my keys and tried to think of a time where He could have pick pocketed me or seen me leave them somewhere. With a sigh of relief I ran to him to take them so I could get home. He playfully withholds them and walks over to the drivers side and starts the car with the radio on. He walks back to me with stereo blasting my favorite song (My favorite song constantly changes so I can't give you specific title) and says "I'm holding your keys for ransom until you agree to dance with me, right here, right now." (Did I forget to mention it was raining, because rain makes this story 10x more interesting) I put my backpack in my car and take my jacket off as well, no reason to get completely soaked right? I look back to see his hand stretched out for me to take. I laugh at how formally He has presented his drenched gesture but I take his hand anyways. We dance in the rain with our class mates walking by. I don't seem to notice because I am getting lost in the music. The song changes and the beat is a little fast paced to dance together, so He starts to whip out his dorky dance moves we see at the Stake Dances. The rain picks up and He opens the door to my car. I walk over and see He came prepared and has put a towel on my seat. I look at him before I get in and he has the biggest smile on his face and without saying a word, kisses me on the cheek and walks away. I close the door and turn down the blasting radio and see the note left on my steering wheel. Written in his best handwriting manageable is simply, 'Thank you for the dance'.
Yes, I am very detail oriented but how cool would that be!? I capitalized He, His, and Him because I do have a specific boy in mind that might possibly do that but of course I would never tell him that.
Some of my daydreams aren't as romantic or detailed as that but it sure is fun making up stories about my friends. I sometimes feel like I am Walter Mitty. I go off on these weird adventures and then I am interrupted and remember I have the real world to worry about.
I'm saved by the bell, then I'm off to another class to make up stories for another hour and a half.
I really like zombies. Well, I will clarify. I only like the zombies from the movie Warm Bodies. This kind of inspired this story/ode/poem or whatever you want to call it.
My heart pumped blood
Then the cold crept in, snowflake by snowflake.
The Chill swirled around me until my heart felt nothing.
I wasn't dead.
Then like a sounding alarm, I felt Warmth.
But my heart still felt nothing.
Sunlight touched my dreams.
Dreams wrapped in purple silk.
The stars made the silk sparkle.
My heart felt the Warmth again
as we were dancing among the living.
We gazed at the stars below us,
but these stars had not fallen.
Warmth spread through my fingertips.
Warmth brushed my cheeks.
Warmth was close, I could almost taste it.
I wanted that Warmth.
The Warmth spread down my lips and into my heart.
My heart pumped blood,
blood that wasn't mine anymore.
I was again among the living.
The Chill was always in mind.
I could feel it at times.
Then the first snowflake fell...
I've always wanted to put a unique twist on this story. Yes, this is based on a real event I experienced not too long ago. The wording makes the story sound more tragic than it actually was but my English teacher has forever forced me out of my comfort zones when I encounter descriptions. I have no idea what this is classified as but I hope you gained some perspective. Maybe I will post the real story in the future.
I know everyone and their dog has seen this but we watched it in my Stats class today and I was reminded how much I love this video!
"I just like to smile, smiling is my favorite." The world is in a constant state of negativity. I can't watch the news these days because my mood is easily swayed by the topics. I would much rather be then smiling buffoon you see at school than the down trodden-watcher of current events. I even have shirts that say "Smiling like a lunatic". On occasion when I do watch the news, I get this feeling that there is nothing I can do to change the world or at least make an impact. Oh how wrong that statement is!
Be the change you want to see in the world
This is an overused quote but it is so TRUE!The change I want to see in the world is more smiles and happiness. Please help me in this endeavor of mine. And ask yourself...
(Insert my man laugh) So I love this TV show so much! I thought this would help me explain my next topic. As I said in my introduction, I call everyone I am comfortable with 'sweetie'. We took this communication in one of my classes my junior year and I was classified as affectionate. In other words, I communicate through touch better than I communicate verbally.
Growing up, my family was not touchy-feely or super affectionate. Which is fine, I never felt like I was missing out on anything; we were a family, we knew we loved each other despite the many disputes. I realized I felt disconnected with my peers or friends, until I took that test. Expressing my feelings verbally doesn't come easy unless I am just naturally comfortable with someone and that is rare for me.
Now just because I communicate by touch (or affection as I like to say) this doesn't mean I cuddle with everyone. That's just down right creepy. This just means I have a different way of showing how I feel. With the whole music thing, I relied on music to express things for me. This worked for certain people but not all. I slowly learned how to show affection without having to completely put myself out there. I call people "sweetie". No, this is normal for most people but some people have asked me why I do this. What I lack in talking to people, I make up for in 'sweeties'. As strange as this sounds, it works for me.
Another topic I have been asked about is the B-word. Yes, yes I know, shocking, I am talking about Boys. I don't kiss every boy I go on a date with, I am however comfortable with them holding my hand while we are on the date. I don't do cutesy girly girl very well. So in place of that, I hold their hand which sends a message to other guys, "Back off boys, this guy was man enough to ask a girl on an actual date." I don't expect anything else after these dates just because we held hands. I just enjoy holding hands, it makes me feel like a girly girl, without all of the pink and cheesy flirting.
Hugs....oh how I love hugs. Because of my 'I love you' fear, this helps me say I care about the person I'm hugging without having to say anything. Hugs are perfect for affectionate communicators like me. But really, who doesn't love a good hug?
So if you are having a bad day, come to me, tell me what's wrong, I will listen, say "How can I help, sweetie?", and give you a hug and be genuine about the whole thing. Just give me a chance to show you how I work, as unconventional it may be. (There might even be some ice cream to go with it)
As you probably noticed, the font for my blog is in cursive. There are stories behind that choice.
First, my mother writes in cursive. SHE HAS BEAUTIFUL CURSIVE! I am so envious of my mother. I had tried writing in cursive and then compare it to hers, but there was NO comparison. So I gave up.
The other story behind my choice was of one of the missionaries I am writing. I have been friends with him since about 10th grade and he is awesome in every way. When he was officially on his mission, the first letter he wrote to me was in cursive. I sometimes have a hard time reading cursive so I asked if he could write in print. But I still thought it was cool.
So, at this point, I thought I should try some cursive again. Apparently your cursive gets better as you get older because my cursive looks decent enough now. I write in cursive all the time! All my assignments are in cursive, notes, letters, etc. When I first started writing this blog, I wanted it in cursive and I found this font. Hope you like it.
I know cursive is a random subject, but I felt like that needed a tiny explanation.
I'm not allowed to say that I love the snow in my house because if I do, it means I have to shovel the driveway. Let's just say that that is my Dad's rule. But he can't tell me I can't love the snow right here in my own world.
The snow is beautiful! I love standing on my porch when the snow is falling and it is absolutely quiet. It is truly peaceful and calming to me. I can't imagine a Christmas where there isn't snow. Snow brings so many happy things like hot chocolate, snowmen, snow angels, and about a zillion other things.
Even with all of those wonderful things. I had my favorite thing happen to me in the snow this year. One of my friends that I described took me to Temple Square. Any sane person wouldn't have gone because it was snowing like crazy that night. We were driving up with 2 other guys and it was one of the funnest and most spiritual experiences I had had in a long time. We were having fun listening to Christmas music when one of them suggested we should pray that we would get there safely. We were already on the freeway but when we all thought about it, we knew we would feel better if we did. They asked me to say the prayer and don't worry, the driver kept his eyes on the road and his hands on the wheel. After the prayer, I felt so calm and safe. It wasn't that I didn't trust our driver, but it was nice to know these boys wanted to call on the power of prayer to get us safely to Temple Square. That night, the snow just kept coming.
We finally got to Temple Square and we all watched out for each other when it came to the slippery paths we had to walk on. The funny thing is, I don't remember feeling the least bit cold while we were walking around. I just remember how happy I was :) Plus, if you knew how fun these boys were, you probably wouldn't mind walking around in a snow storm either.
Everything about winter is beautiful to me. I like the idea of spending the winter months with someone special. We can drink gallons of hot chocolate, kiss in the snow, celebrate Christmas and New Year's together (which includes a kiss at midnight), and just be together.
I once told a guy that I love the cold and he asked me why. I told him I love being able to drink hot chocolate under cozy blankets after. He corrected me and said that I liked warming up. He was right. Being able to snuggle up and be toasty warm is so much fun to me! One thing I really love (as does every girl on this planet) is a guy giving me his jacket. I L-O-V-E love that! :)
As I said in my first post, I have had fads\passions that I have blogged about. None however lasted as long as this one. Feel free to take a look at my old work.
I have a unique connection to the music I listen to. My main genre is indie rock, but if the words speak to me, I don't discriminate against other genres. Just the other day I fell in love with a song on the radio just to come home to discover OneDirection sang it. I have no comment. Verbal communication is not my forte when it come to how I feel or even what is on my mind. I'm not eloquent in the slightest. I stutter, I get tongue tied, and sometimes I just give up. This probably explains why I prefer ASL. However, I can write my entire soul down on a piece of paper for you. I basically am writing my whole soul online.
But music...music never fails me. It never has. Most of my tweets are song lyrics these days. It's my way of strategically complaining while attempting not to annoy anybody. Even though I am not vocally gifted enough to sing these songs, I feel every word sung and dance to them.
I have an English teacher who is pure intellect and spunk if you can imagine the two traits together in one human being. She eased us into poetry by having us analyze song lyrics. Music achieved a brand new level of meaning and purpose. MUSIC WAS POETRY! Music is poetry. Whether it is upbeat and makes your heart pump to beat of the music or it is slow and makes you sway, all poetry has purpose.
These are in no rank, order,or list of who I love the most. These are just descriptions of people who come to mind.
#1 I have been friends with her since 7th grade. We always argue about how we met (BTW My story is the right way) We have gone through crazy, pointless drama (Mostly mine) and yet I am still greeted with a "Dude Buddy" which is an incredibly high honor if you must know. We love our men like we love our bacon - HOT.
#2 I became friends with him in our photography class. Definitely one of the quieter ones at first but his personality finally burst through. I remember he laughed so hard it brought him to tears and it was the funniest thing I had seen. Mostly because he was watching Studio C. He is definitely an enigma to me but I still enjoy his friendship and always look forward to being with him. He is also the only one to take a decent candid photo of me ;)
#3 BEST DECISION I EVER MADE MEETING HIM! Once upon a time at football game I was signing with my friend and he came over and thought it was cool. We asked each others names and the rest is history. He does the Angela Johnson 'Nail Salon' sketch better than anybody I know :) He is a complete gentleman and has such a loving personality.
#4 She taught me everything I know about ASL. It was a complete privilege to work with her get to know her beautiful soul. I'm sad it was only for a summer but we still keep in touch and she is still the same wonderful person :)
#5 He is my past tense friend. He is a talented singer and beat boxer and always has a positive outlook on everything. There was only one time I ever saw his insecurity leak out and it was when he was learning a ballet combination for a play. Let's just say he is a jock, not a ballerina. He was also the one to help me not be afraid of my nightmares. He faces everything with courage and if he is scared, he puts on a remarkable poker face. I couldn't be more proud of who he has become :)
The title of this post seems a little melodramatic. I'm not one of those sappy teenagers who feels the need to profess my love every 27.6 seconds. However, contrary to what some people who know me believe, I have a heart. It pumps crimson blood like everyone else's and as far as I know I don't have a heart condition. I have feelings, emotions, and I'm not completely heartless. High school does not seem like a place where I can fall in love. This is where I am a hypocrite thought.
Have you ever had a best friend who knew all the details of your inner self? I did. Past tense. Seeing as you now know that I am LDS, here is a little lesson on dating:
You should not date until you are at least 16 years old. When you begin dating, go with one or more additional couples. Avoid going on frequent dates with the same person. Developing serious relationships too early in life can limit the number of other people you meet and can perhaps lead to immorality. Invite your parents to become acquainted with those you date. (For the Strength of Youth)
I fully agree with what the First Presidency of the church says. But when I make attachments, it's hard to let go. I believed because I was really close to my friend, we should date. Awkwardly enough, I realized how much I loved this person. SURPRISE to myself. My no boyfriend policy was creating more drama than I had anticipated.
Let's rewind a little bit. Enough about my tragic non-existent love life. Falling in love is never a bad thing. Just love for the right reason, in right place, and right time. So not in high school, not with someone who you are best friends with, and not someone who you will probably never see after you graduate. Plus, the guys in my life are going on missions for 2-years. I would much rather be there to support them as a friend during those 2-years than stop them from going. AND then you can fall in love with them when they are an RM ;)
In all honesty, I love, well, love. It's something that can turn into an eternity of unforgettable memories. Love is special to me. Don't be offended if I don't say 'I love you' all the time. I rarely do. But if anyone reading this is wondering if I love them, I probably do just in some rare, unconventional way. I would much rather fall in mutual weirdness :)
When I do love someone, I love them completely and I love a lot. Heart and soul.
So, I'm the kind of girl who gets really passionate about one thing (such as life, music, or occasionally food) and has to create a blog about. This is probably like my third or fourth blog that I have started but I have an incredibly good feeling about this one. You see, about 6 months ago (give or take a few) I finally felt like I was comfortable in my own skin. Then I remembered what a boy said to describe the way I felt. He said this could be like my own PERSONAL RENAISSANCE. Ergo the title to my online madness. But yet, I have a method to my madness. I want EVERYONE to feel the way I do. For the longest time, I felt like a black sheep; in my group of friends and even in my family. I took a deep breath, put a dream catcher in my hair (on purpose, as an accessory) and went to school. I'm not claiming to be drastically unique (although my mother would say my fashions are a wee bit radical) and I promise I will be brutally honest and upfront. I don't like it when people sugar coat my world so nothing will be sugar coated here.
Without further adieu, allow me to introduce myself:
My name is Haley.
I am a Mormon (LDS) I know it, I live it, I love it!
I am a senior in high school (with a severe case of Senioritis)
I listen to indie rock (or as some people call it, 'hippie music')
I know ASL and I use it all the time.
I like fringe, moccasins, and dream catchers.
Chocolate is my absolute weakness.
I am obsessed with the snow (Not as much as Buddy the Elf however)
I love to bake and craft.
My one true dream in life is to become a wife and mother.
I am the youngest in my family.
I call anyone I'm close to 'sweetie'.
I could not keep my room clean to save my life.
I work(ed) at the Happiest Place on Earth (No, I did not work at Disneyland)
I like to wear long socks and they don't have to be a matching pair but they do have to be colorful.
I love to dance!
This is who I am.
